Monday, April 18, 2011

I'm Sorry....

To the man who was hired by the City of Covington to mow the lawn next door: I'm sorry.

The Day lilies we planted two years were so gorgeous, the soil that we tilled and fertilized so productive, the beauties that have been painstakingly growing in our yard have simply multiplied and thrived.

I have been watering and fertilizing them in anticipation of carefully splitting the bulbs and replanting them in carefully chosen locations throughout our small neighborhood of Seminary Square.

Perhaps you remember.... you were here today. I'm sorry I missed you.

I am really REALLY sorry I missed you.

You see, my husband and I carefully dug up over 200 bulbs this week. We planted about 90 of them in the back yard of our next door neighbor's house; a house that will soon be remodeled by the Covington Center for Great Neighborhoods, and then hopefully purchased by a family who loves gardening, and yes, even daylilies.

It was a 'pre-gift'. A way to let the new neighbors, whomever they might be, know that we're glad to have them in our neighborhood. We bashfully thought it might be a way to encourage folks to take an interest in our little developing chunk of Covington.

That's why we carefully replanted the lilies in their yard, heaving many 5 gallon buckets of fertilized water over to make sure that they could rough out the transplant, and maybe (just maybe) bloom in a month or so.

I know they're hardy, because this is the time of year we transplanted them into OUR garden two years ago, and they bloomed for weeks and weeks right out of the gate.

We spent HOURS digging, splitting, moving, digging, watering.... and then it rained right on schedule. It was perfect. Two days later and you couldn't even tell they had been stressed. It's why I like to spend careful attention to not bruising the leaves... to gently tug apart the bulbs instead of chopping them, which works just fine, really, but the lilies do tend to get droopy and there is a level of casualties with that approach. I didn't want to waste a single bulb. :-)

The last two days I'd been checking out one of our windows and looking over at them like a proud mama... but I digress.... I wanted you to know that I'm sorry.

I looked out the window... sometime after you had left the scene.

And you know what? I'm sorry you left before I could put my left foot up your backend for what you did, you horrible excuse for a "lawn care" employee.

I swear if you showed back up right now, I'd be in serious trouble for taking a shovel and smacking some sense into that fart-sniffing jerkmuppet tadpole brain (do I assume too much.... perhaps) of yours.

What the heck were you thinking? Or is THAT presuming too much as well?

What took me three or more hours of careful thought and planning, you mauled in seconds, you idiot dirt jockey.

Seriously, the freshly, carefully turned soil didn't give you a clue?

What? The tall healthy plants reminded you that you hate your job, your life, and the people you meet everyday?

You should know that I really don't like you.

I don't like lazy, stupid people in general, but your willful idiocy just tops the cake. You are the Pièce de résistance of idiot savants.

the redeeming 'savant-y' part.

I'd love to find out who you are and ask the City of Covington to terminate your employment contract. There are plenty of decent folk who need a job and can tell the difference between a 1" blade of grass, and a 2 foot tall day lilly flower bed.

And by the way--- the grass was already short-- what the heck were you mowing over there?!?

Personally, I'd rather someone else have your job. Obviously, you don't want it.My rationale is that anyone that stupid is bound to do something far dumber, and dangerous, and perhaps should not be in a position to handle flammable liquids.

Not as long as I have a match nearby, anyway.


DH said...

Don't hold back, honey. Tell us what you really think!


The Wife said...

UPDATE: I just replanted 20 new bulbs. Here's why I'm not an idiot: I put a rock border around the bulbs this time and drove two 2 foot steel steaks into the ground. If that b@stage tried to mow them over, he's gonna have a fun time moving all the rocks and steaks first. I'm guessing he's to freaking lazy to get off the riding mower.

Anonymous said...

I get that you're upset, but you know that person is probably paid minimum wage, which frankly is not enough to give a sh*t.

It's possible the scenario went something like:
Boss: Go to the following addresses and mow the yards.
Worker - calling the boss later: Are you sure you want me to mow everything? I think...
Boss: You're not paid to think, just mow that d*mn lawn!

Also, not everyone likes lilies. I'm always annoyed when I move in somewhere and have to spend time digging out the bulbs, which somehow no matter how many I dig up, always seem to come back.

The Wife said...

If minimum wage isn't enough to give a sh*t, perhaps we demand that the US government stop mandating it and let the market tell us who wants to work for what wages, because personally, I wouldn't pay that jerkmuppet a cent for the "work" he charged the City for.

Regardless, I'm quite certain that it's a government contracted lawn service. We went through this kind of stupidity last year. They don't call and ask questions. They don't care enough, but I can appreciate your optimism.

I think I mentioned that the grass wasn't high enough to mow, so as you can see, these are the same kind of jerks who paint right over the dead animals on the road, saying, 'not my job'.

There just is no rational excuse for that behaviour.

Unknown said...

WOW...I'm glad it wasn't me on the mower.

SchoolhouseKat said...

This kind of thing drives me around the bend. Last summer a neighbor "helped" us by weeding the front bed of all the coral bells I'd just planted. What you did was wonderful - I'm sorry someone ruined it.

SamW said...

No good deed goes unpunished.

Arguments as to 'minimum wage' do not cut it. If the mower is paid 'minimum wage' and performs as such - he deserves less than 'minimum wage.'
Economic (monetary) reimbursement is not enough - otherwise we would pay students for grades and pay voters for voting -- wait a minute!
'Minimum wage' created a whole class of pissed off workers, and slaves to government ideology.
You do what you can to the glory of god - or your own self-image! Pay comes along.
Holy shit!
The Mrs and Master sacrificed to help.
And we get excuses from the bums in the crowd.

Anonymous said...

Actually I'm not sure what gives you the right to plant in someone else's backyard without their permission. I understand it's a nice gesture but it isn't your house.

The Wife said...

What gives me the right is that we HAVE the owner's permission. We have the full backing of the City Housing Development, Code Enforcement, and the City of Covington, and after all, it's THEIR house.

They just hired a moron, that's all.

The Wife said...

And, several months later... they paved over the whole thing anyway.

Problem solved.

Old House Lover said...

This might work for changing the new posting date back to the old: